The Project That Ate My Summer and My Blog – A Screenplay
Scenery: It’s May and the flowers are starting to bloom. An ugly but functional wooden shed stands in the backyard. Its roof is covered with moss. The door is warped and hanging from its hinges.
Her: There are mice in the shed and they’re shitting on my garden tools.
Him: Mice are cute.
Her: There are nests of hornets, and the neighbors complained that the shed is an eyesore.
Him: The trees will be tall enough next year to hide the shed.
Her: Your tools are getting wet and rusting.
Him: Let’s replace the shed.
Scenery: It’s June and the woman is standing where the shed used to be. The sun is shining and the trees are resplendent in their greenery.
Her: This spot has a really good view of the wetlands. Wouldn’t it be a great place for a writing studio?
Him: You already have a perfectly good writing office.
Her: It will be a selling point if we ever sell the house. AND, I’ll turn my office into the guest room so you can have another workroom.
Him: I’m going to die in this house. But, it would be cool to have two workrooms. Let’s use the foundation from the shed and make it the same size to keep it easy. We have a couple of old windows in the garage I could use to keep the cost down.
Her: Hmm. If you doubled the footprint someone could sleep out here. Or, I could have my writing meetings here and not disturb you while you watch the Cubs lose. But, I would need more light. Those old windows are small and they don’t open. Maybe we could have skylights and a ceiling fan.
Him: No skylights…possibly a ceiling fan.
Her: The ceiling needs to be vaulted for a ceiling fan. I don’t want my friends to get hit in the head. They’ll sue us. We should really match the siding to our house, too. I think hardwood floors are a must, don’t you? How long do you think this will take?
Him: A month should do it.
Her: We need to order the windows.
Him: We will.
Her: I bet it takes weeks to get them.
Him: No it won’t.
Her: We need to order the windows today.
Him: We have to check Lowe’s, Home Depot, and the Recycle place to make sure we get the best deal.
Her: That’s stupid. Let’s just go to Home Depot.
Scenery: The couple is in the car heading home from Home Depot.
Her: I told you it would take three weeks to get the windows. You’re gonna be all done and the thing won’t have windows. Didn’t I tell you it was a waste of time to go to Lowe’s? I’m never going back to the Recycle place. It has a weird smell.
Scenery: It’s August. The tomatoes are ripening. The studio walls are up, and it’s time to cover them with plywood. The couple asked their friends over to help with the siding. They overnighted Italian beef from Chicago’s Portillo’s as a bribe. The four stand staring at the studio.
Her: Jean and I will cook while you two hammer.
Him: But, we have a thousand nails to hammer!!!!
Her: You want to eat, don’t you? Anyway, our backs hurt.
Her: Why aren’t you working on the studio?
Him: My elbow hurts. It’s probably tendonitis from all the hammering.
Her: We need to call an electrician. We need to buy a door. We need to get shingles that match our roof. Let’s go look at hardwood flooring.
Him: I hate this studio.
Her: How about if I finish nailing the plywood. Maybe we could finish it with screws?
Her: I’ll start nailing. We need to call an electrician. It’s really humid. This is hard. I need a break.
To Be Continued.